The Sex Bevs are Here
Just horny for desire in an overstimulated age
Sex—or lack thereof—is now entering the “functional” drink category in force.1
Prediction: After some quick, hot action, this category will flop. It’s already looking cynical and overdone, and it’s barely hit the market.
Take a look at that Arouse can on the right. Is there anything less sexy than co-branding Netflix Sex Education, with the barking red logo and black type of the show? Whomp-whomp. Way to take any whiff transgression right outta there, marketing department.
The most ambitious and beautifully articulated brand of the bunch is Human Desire. It has all the erudite markers that a long-ago elite liberal arts grad like myself still has a Pavlovian response to: old movie callbacks, chic photography, beautiful language, highish brow nostalgia.
Like many brands it even low-key co-opts black justice movements with Prioritize Pleasure.
I’m getting indie cinema AND a manifesto here. Do you think Steve Jobs knew what he was doing with the “Here’s to the crazy ones” ad?
A curated instagram feature that reads like a Modern Art 101? I mean, yes, I like it!
Unfortunately, the jaded marketer in me no longer thinks these good taste signifiers work all that well when it comes to driving actual sales. At least the second time around. Because isn’t this target clued in enough to buy sex-enhancing weed strains, a good vibrator and some audio erotica?
In fairness, Human Desire acknowledges it’s not just carnality we’re horny for — or need to get horny for. We’re horny for soothing, for sleep. They are supposedly “curating” a selection of consumer submitted writing on desire that felt more like excerpts from market research surveys and decent copywriting. This juxtaposition caught my eye:
The fact that so many of us start on the left and move to the right due to life pretty much says it all.
But here’s the thing: After reviewing the ingredient decks for many of these products I can confidently say:
The shit DOES NOT WORK.
Against all reason and the opinions of many of us, we launched a Libido tincture at Wile in 2023. It was a colossal failure. The ingredients in it were deeply relaxing to many but in no way desire-inducing to the vast majority. The reviews were brutal.
In my experience, a good bottle of tequila goes a lot further.
The “functional” space is getting so over marketed to so quickly that a crash is inevitable. Unless we’re talking THC, alcohol, mushrooms or stimulants, the amount of herbal ingredients it takes are too robust to taste good in a sparkling ready to drink beverage. See: Poppi lawsuit.
What all this really says to me is that our culture—and perhaps particularly the millennials making these brands who are hitting middle age—desperately wants to want something. To feel something. To have that “Teenage Feeling” that increasingly it seems teenagers do not have. Not just wanting for sex but drive and desire itself pushing into another person or the outside world and not into a tiny screen.
Lately there’s this naming strain: Human Desire, Freak of Nature. We’re trying to bottle and sell the vibe we once had to try to contain. We’re outsourcing it to sunscreens and soft drinks.
I believe that damiana, maca and ashwagandha do have functional benefits. But they are nothing against the push of the algorithm, non-stop working and the flickering screen.
Father’s Day
Jessica Valenti wrote a banger of a Father’s Day edition of
:If you’ve ever searched for a Father’s Day gift, you’ve likely come across t-shirts or mugs with a very specific kind of slogan splashed across them:
Princess Protection Agency
I have a daughter. I also have a gun, a shovel, and an alibi.
Husband, Daddy, Protector, Hero
In the two years since Roe’s demise, I’ve thought often about the men who wear these kinds of t-shirts…. The men who call themselves ‘protectors.’…
I have a question for those men: Where are you?…..
Because I promise you that your daughter’s prom date is far less dangerous than her senator.
“In America, women are the social safety net”
Did you know that 9 of 11 of the biggest childcare businesses are owned by private equity? This book sounds necessary and hard to read. The author had the safety net quote in Culture Study a couple of years ago and I haven’t shaken in since.
Also in the book:
..of the more than 2,000 families she surveyed, “84 percent of moms in mom-dad families said they would be the ones primarily responsible for caring for a child who got sick or had to quarantine.” Even when the woman was the primary breadwinner in a couple, this remained the case for 77 percent of mothers.
Trending: Affluent Poverty
36% of American millennials making $200,000 or more now live paycheck to paycheck.
Trending: Trump
Trump is starting to win with younger people. But based on the vast gender split, I wish the polling was split female/male here.
De-trending: Pride Merch
Where are you Pride, Inc.?
After last year’s Target hellstorm where every side was, well, targeting them, you can’t blame marketers for pulling back. And frankly, the rainbow merch was giving “breast cancer awareness month of 2010.” Just as tokenism made everything pink but no actual profits went to breast cancer research, rainbow papertowel holders are more cash-in than activist statement.
“There is a bigger point to make here about how brands are shells without people in them.” - Willie Norris
This thought piece on the Pride merch decline went in a multiple directions but settled on this:
“much could be said about the commodification of queer vernacular, which in this given case stems from the Black queer community. Yet if the alternative is to be shoved back in the closet for the sake of compliance, then pass the cheese and cold meats.
One interesting critique was that queer teams should be hired for this producing this work vs just producing it in-house. Agreed. And same with people of color, queer communities and women, as women control so much spending. Of course, these anti-DEI laws have other ideas.
IMO, we’re now at the point where we functional needs to be in air quotes unless we’re talking THC, alcohol, mushrooms or stimulants are involved. See: Poppi lawsuit.