JLo, icon for the midlife reckoning
What if women let go and seized our real power?
Jennifer Lopez is having a very bad year.1 And people are loving it.
The Schadenfreude of watching successful women fail is real. Especially unlikable ones.
I’m no fan. But as the headlines piled up, I found myself feeling something else: recognition.
JLo is a gilded mirror of the struggle for GenX & young Boomer women. It’s superstar scale, but the path and pressures track. So does the opportunity.
Reality Bites, We Bite Back
Recently a Culture Study commenter said midlife was hard for millennial women because they were brought up to believe (1) they could succeed at anything (2) their well-being mattered.
My response was: You were?!
I doubt many GenX (or working class or women of color) had such expectations.
Jenny from the Block has never stopped grinding, yet many women of a certain age can probably identify:
Lopez wants, needs, hungers, craves, desires, seeks, pines, wishes, dreams, hopes, believes, yearns, aches, hustles. You can see all of that in the hard violence of her dancing — nothing comes easy, nothing flows. It’s a lot of bursts and breaks…. For 30 years she’s been at this… Lopez has always seemed out to prove, rarely to savor, relish or bask.
It’s never enough. And if you stop you may lose what you got.
GenX was raised on that. To do it all. To want it all. To know we’d have to do it on our own. And know, on some level, that we’d never really get it.
Nothing gold can stay.
In 2022, she was living the dream. Now she’s living, poreless, cellulite-free proof.
Well, as our moms would say, let’s not cry about it. Our latchkey drive holds incredible strength, now enriched with real wisdom.2 This moment desperately needs what we’ve got, not just for ourselves but for the world.
There’s an opportunity for us to reframe this strength into a new archetype if we choose to see it.
But first, this is us (and her)…. now.
Women’s Empowerment™ ?
Her 2020 Superbowl appearance ignited a midlife resurgence many dream of but few pull off. Particularly not with backup dancers and a giant Puerto Rican flag.
The pervasive narrative is that older women want to “slow down.” Nope. Midlife women are ambitious.
71% of midlife women say they want to kick their careers up a notch.
Things looked so much simpler in January 2020.3
She was declaring victory. Media crams it into commoditized “empowerment” narrative.
Empowerment message: “A 50 year old can still look hot AF!”
The New Con: Forever Hot
Despite all physical appearances to the contrary, JLo is 54 years old. IMO she’s consistently had the best, most natural work.
That success set an impossibly high standard for herself and us: GenX gets 2.5x more Botox than women a decade older.
This is an costly new norm, in time, money and mental energy. Sure, more women are going gray. Many more are ramping up anti-aging in many ways.
Anti-aging is expensive. Aging is more expensive.
Women experience ageism at work 2.5x more than men do.
But all that work adds up, and not just on AMEX bill.
At the Met Gala, I didn’t notice Ben wasn’t with her. I did notice her face changed.
This is not a critique. It’s clocking that putting in the work doesn’t end. Sometimes, the constant work — on foreheads, spreadsheets, relationships, on yourself—changes you with you realizing it, in ways you may not have intended.
Other times, it leaves you stuck.
Confronting the “My Man” Myth
Many of us have a Bennifer-style old flame rekindled, though typically via Facebook and without publicists involved.
Why do people so often bounceback to a high school, college or early 20s love?
An ex is not a time machine, but they can feel like one. They remind us of our younger, promise-filled, less battle-worn selves.
Jen and Ben’s re-romance let us do it parasocially.
It reinforced stability and hope in an unstable time. GenZ has the tradwife, we had Sweet Valley High, John Hughes films and rom-coms but same lesson: Hetero “romantic” relationships save all! JLo herself has been in 10 rom-coms.
She, like many of us, bought into serial monogamy, not always with the healthiest of men.
Compared to our parent’s generation, the “gray divorce” rate has doubled for Americans over 55. For couples over 65, it’s tripled.
And it’s trending for women to choose not to marry again in retirement.
Diva, Difficult or Just Doing the Work?
I know people who’ve worked with Jennifer Lopez. Her divadom is real and longstanding.
A McKinsey study showed women 50+ are seen as difficult. Women of color are seen as even more difficult. We know how “difficult women” fare.
Women are often perceived as less relevant in middle age. Precise what’s being said about JLo and her music.
But is Gina in accounting really THAT difficult? Is Ron in accounting really THAT much more innovative, accessible and friendly?
The Self-Hustle & Career Crash
If your job feels rough right now, here’s JLo’s year:
Spent her own $20M on a movie about herself that bombed
Beauty line dropped by Sephora
Tour cancelled due to low ticket sales
Narcissistic as it seems, I also see the struggle.
And women always have to hustle for ourselves. HBR has noted women get less sponsorship in our careers and it keeps us out of leadership. Female-only founding teams still get <3% of VC funds.
We have to self-fund, self-promote, self-start. Carefully. Lest we seem desperate, annoying or difficult.
And it’s still not enough. Women’s earnings peak in our early to mid 40s, a full decade before men’s. And our earnings decline 2x more than men’s.
Many women hit a midlife wall. Statistically we have the toughest time finding work. We’re told to self-promote and negotiate, then get blowback when we do.
No wonder more midlife women are starting businesses than ever.
Too Strong to Stand Still
As perimenopause has been rebranded 🙋♀️, the term “the Change” has fallen out of favor.
What a missed opportunity. Change is and is needed.
But (1) duh, it’s old. Old = bad. (2) It’s not what we’re supposed to do.
Midlife women are now encouraged to fight like hell to NOT change. I’m not talking menopause, I’m talking the whole thing.
Like JLo, there’s pressure to HOLD ON to how we look, what we have, who we’ve been, what we once wanted and what we’re doing. Whether we enjoy it or not, pish posh. Sameness is our best and only chance.4
Yet, things are changing for us and differently than ever before: market forces, life circumstance, cultural and systemic bullshit and the laws of nature. This is destiny and guaranteed.
We know this. What used to work, doesn’t. I hear that from a lot of women, be it in health, career, parenting, life or arena tours.
When we hold on out of fear, we do not create, expand or discover. We stall out. It’s not fulfillment, it’s survival. This sounds woo-woo, but it’s basic reality.5
What could we change and become if let go and owned the incredible power we’ve accumulated in this life time? And supported each other along the way?
One of my teachers once told me a Spiritual Warrior doesn’t fight senseless battles. They look the issue in the eye, state their truth clearly, then walk away to do their work.
It’s time to walk away from what no longer serves us. We could create a second act, real change and a far fuller power.
That latchkey strength, that GenX grind, that grown woman perspective is a potent Wise Woman foundation. An archetype that’s neither ugly old crone/hag, older mom matriarch or “forever 33” wannabe.
One that’s not dependent on how others see us or what they need from us.
Big dream: Carry on Old Boys, we’re starting the circle of Wise Women. We have the economy, social, emotional, community and political power. Do we have the will? 6
That is a real Change.
GenX is uniquely suited to carve this out if we dare to.
While my poll said people still want the campaign to continue, they are the #1 commodifiers of empowerment.™
Disruptive Business Practice Idea:
Imagine if large companies paid a fee to knockoff independent brands vs just doing it. White label isn’t always the answer, so this would like a design/licensing fee.
Cheaper than acquisition, cheaper than R&D and less damaging to the small companies.
And would actually give real power to those who own or started the indies, who are often women when the categories are food, style, personal care, etc.
The real story of the Poppi lawsuit on misleading “gut health” claims? They’d already dropped the functional claim when they launched in Canada, claiming only “Better soda.”
Not sure if that’s due to tighter regulations, consumer claims testing OR observing Olipop’s longtime drift into “A New Kind of Soda” and $500M in revenue.
With injectibles, edibles and telehealth making prescriptions shockingly easy to get (hormones? adderall? SSRIs? ozempic? 👍🏻 💸) not sure how much longer lite functional claims will command to any customer over 25.
Coming Wednesday: Texas GOP will release its platform which likely will include the death penalty for anyone who gets or provides an abortion. Also in the rough draft: requiring that Christianity and the Bible are taught in public schools.
That’s all for this week!
If you are a woman of a certain age, plan to become one or know some, please sound off in the comments! Same for you Dove friends/haters.
As with the Kardashians, 99% of my JLo knowledge is from celeb gossip, media headlines and being a human in this timeframe.
From a study: “Women identified the most challenging aspects of midlife as changing family relationships, re-balancing work/personal life, re-discovering self, securing enough resources, and coping with multiple co-occurring stressors (most often: divorce/breakups, health problems, death of parents).
Can we agree to get end the reign of “empowerment” and the commoditized con of it?
To be fair: there is one change allowed: the impossible reversal. Back to a formerly thinner, sexier, younger looking, less shamefully decaying you. (I myself have created many a time machine campaign. Guilty!)
See: the old joke about the guy in the flood waiting for God to save him and missing the truck, the boat and the helicopter. And also: planting the same crops exhausting soil. And also: changing up shampoos or workouts.
Remember white women voters got Trump elected in 2016. The coming wealth transfer will add to our current economic and spending power.
Really great as usual. Fuck shaming women.